Try hard enough and you can “prove” anything

Today’s wonderful study in the Daily Disaster warns us that sleeping in a room with thin curtains will make us fat. If you’re exposed to too much light during the night, your waist measurement and your body mass index both shoot up. Well, who’d have thunk it!

Interesting, if true

Would you believe that parents having plastic surgery and/or Botox injections prevents their offspring from empathizing with them? It makes a sort of sense, I suppose. A kid should be able to count on knowing that his/her parent looks like, and they deserve to be brought up by human beings, not expressionless robots.

It’s what they do!

Is anyone really surprised that the Liberals are as nasty as any other party? C’mon, man! They’re politicians. Nasty, back-stabbing, grabbing and all the other stuff is what they do naturally.

Wrong again, Ed.

Ed “weird joke” Miliband thinks that Eurosceptic parties have no actual solutions to the problems of the 21st century. Giving people a comfortable alternative to voting Labour is a pretty good solution IMNSHO.

Euro-election musings

How interesting! The BNP expects its defectors to return when they find UKIP not radical enough for them. The same way the Tories expect their defectors to come back from UKIP.  Meanwhile, the current masthead slogan of BlackFlag News is: "You're never too old to believe something stupid". Which explains why people are still voting for Labour, evidently in the belief that they won't screw up the economy again if they get into power again.

Not the whole hog?

What was Red Ed Milibandit doing, showing the nation that he has no idea how to tackle a bacon butty? Isn’t he supposed to be Jewish or something? Which means he should be religiously prohibited from eating bacon. Or is he like Jonathan Miller: Jew-ish, not the whole hog? Or only Jewish when it suits him, like a typical bloody politician.

Hype rulz, OK!

One minute, we’re being told there’s enough oil under the south of England to keep us going forever. Then the dream is shattered and it was all sordid exaggeration. Oh, well. C’est la stinking vie.

Some good news at last

Research in Spain has found that red wine can kill off acid-forming bacteria on teeth. So that’s a pleasant alternative to toothpaste available to vinophiles.

Well done, Prince Chazzer!

You can tell how guilty the conscience is from the extent of unreasonableness in the response. So His Putinness’s over-reaction to Prince Charles comparing his infiltration tactics in Ukraine to those used by Mr. Hitler tells its own story. The truth hurts, and it really hurts a character who ended up with $40 billion of his country’s assets somehow.

Ignorance or something you don’t need to know?

Is it possible to feel sympathy for Red Ed Milipede in one small area? Yes, is it. The consensus among the staff at the Mansion is that real people buy stuff when they need it and they don’t add up what they’ve spent at the end of the week, or try to work out a weekly average from a month’s receipts (assuming they have them for everything). Not knowing what you spend per week, as long as it’s less than what’s coming in, is perfectly normal.

Lifestyle Issue

How degenerate is it to put good red wine on Irish Whisky Cake from Aldi? Terribly? Not much? Or: Who doesn’t?

Here’s another one

A “study” has concluded that Axl Rose is the greatest vocalist of all time because he has the greatest vocal range. Except, greatness is about what you do with it rather than how big it is. Yes, Guns N’ Roses have done a lot of good stuff with Axl fronting them but if your starting point is rubbish, that’s what the outcome has to be.

So what if they have?

We are informed that “NASA chiefs have said that sending a manned mission to Mars is ‘necessary if the human race is to survive’.” We’ve also been told that building vast numbers of windmills and taxing carbon dioxide is equally necessary. Just because someone with a vested interest says something, that don’t make it so.

You can prove anything you like with a good “study”

Okay, so messing about on the internet drives kids nuts, according to the latest study. What’s the betting there will be another along in a while saying this one got things 100% wrong? The way the “eat dark chocolate and drink red wine to live forever” study was grotted all over this month.

Forgotten at a price

The Euro Court of Justice might have invented a ’uman right to be forgotten but it has no powers to make that right come for free. So maybe the search engine companies should let the bent politicians, the paedophiles, the crooks and the other bad guys wanting to whitewash their past that they will have to pay through the nose for the privilege. It won’t stop them but it might slow them down a bit.

Poor old Mr. Farage!

He’s got the usual suspects really worried if they have to resort to sleaze, personal attacks and digging out every member of his party who says something slightly unfortunate, rather than facing up to the issues of the election. Still, he has the consolation that it’s a sign that his party will do really well before sinking back down to the horizon next year.

Oh, no! They got it wrong!

I have a stock room full of red wine and dark chocolate, having been assured that the antioxidants in them will let me live forever. But suddenly, some bunch of killjoys in Baltimore is trying to tell me the “research” which promised so much got it wrong. But what’s the betting that someone else will “prove” that the gang in Baltimore are talking through their hats? In the meantime, I shall carry on with the red wine and chocolate and ignore the killjoys.

No escape from coke

“What recession?” I ask if cocaine consumption is so high that drinking water is full of the break-down products of this drug – what’s left after it has passed through the human body, which is not a nice thought! And it’s all over our banknotes. Not to mention the House of Commons, which is a sure sign that MPs and their staff are being paid way too much.

This is the Europe we know and love!!

A bearded drag queen from Austria has won this year’s competition to find a Song for Europe. And today’s papers are referring to him as “her” and “she”.

Horrible Humbug

You have to laugh at distance the lunatic left will go to be offended. The latest cause for alarm is a pack of Arial washing powder, which offers 83 washes plus 5 bonus washes for a total of 88. What’s wrong with displaying that number prominently on the packet? Well, as H is the 8th letter of the alphabet, 88 translates to HH, which stands for Heil Hitler – as well as Horrible Humbug and lots of other things. And the looney lefties want it banned for this reason.
● Using the same rule, anything with the number 18 should be banned, because that stands for AH or Adolf Hitler, and also 46 – DF or Der Führer, which is bad news for MotoGP rider and multiple champion Valentino Rossi, as that number is famously his.

Bonkers Haram

Just a thought, but how come Al Kaida and the other extreme Islamists haven’t declared Jihad on the Boko Haram bunch in Nigeria, whose leader is planning to sell schoolgirls as sex slaves because he thinks Allah will be cool with that. Or are they happy with what he’s doing in the name of Islam?

It’s only taxpayers’ cash going down the drain

A primary school headmaster in south London is being paid the best part of a quarter of a million quid per year. What sort of value for money is that? Everyone involved in deciding to pay him that much deserves the sack, but it’s the public sector, of course, where all sense of responsibility evaporates in record time.

Vested Interest

GPs are going to be voting on whether NHS patients should pay even more for an appointment with them. What next? Convicts voting on whether they should be kept in gaol?

Elastic morals

Religion Red Ed Miliband style – “I don’t believe in God, but I’ll say that I do if there are any votes to be had.” Is this what they used to call pragmatic politics?

It’s a fair question

Where did “pro-Russian demonstrators” get surface to air missiles to shoot down Ukrainian military helicopters if not from the Russian government? Or some similar source of terrorist supplies?

Muck-Rakers really to blame, not Clarkson

To be accurate, Mr. Clarkson didn’t cause offence by mumbling nigger in an out-take. Any offence, real or contrived, has to be down to the leftie creeps who dug the out-take out of the waste bin and waved it around. So the creeps should be the ones due to apologize whilst spending a day in the pillory, being bombarded by all sorts of unpleasant stuff, not Mr. Clarkson.

Best story of the week

It’s the one about the Indian government deciding that election results would come in quicker if they abandoned paper ballots and started using electronic voting machines, as they do in the United States. But when they started getting the machines out of storage for their last lot of elections, they found that rats had been chewing the wiring and the machines were useless.

0/10 for diplomacy

It will be interesting to hear what Alex Salmond will pretend that he really meant when he called the Scots a nation of drunks as his excuse for upping the price of alcohol. He also seems to be an admirer of the kleptocrat V. Putin, which suggests that he might start making territorial claims south of the border if he does get to be president of an independent Scotland. His only problem will be that he won’t have the fire-power to back them up.

A+ for use of technology!

I was intrigued by the story that French spies could be using Youtube videos to pass on short, coded messages. It certainly sounds like a great idea!